rainy day

well im crippled, its ugly out side...i think ill go completely out of character and read a book. how about stephen king's misery about a writer who is ubducted by his "nuber one fan" and torchered! i guess that gets my attention. oh yeah just finished tomorrows homework. its really a pain to do homework when you cant pick things up and no one is here to help :( oh well i guess is just have to fall back on my work.

i should change my title to a step is stews shoe/ crutches

Tuesday night i twisted my ankle trying to spike the ball while playing wally ball. ironically enough the student health center closes before the rec. so i bought crutches and toughed it out Wednesday and was able to go to the majority of my classes but i skipped church to go to the ER. i am in a boot and im finding that in the real world few people care and you find out really quick that you have friends but you know who you cant count on. whats worse is i am pretty much doing things on my own

i have bruised ribs and palms from lifting close to 300lbs with my book bag for every step i take.

well off to ice my foot

the good the bad and the ugly

I feel very calm and productive. this past week i have stayed on top of my stuff and this relaxes me. i spent plenty of time in the practice room, i am singing great, and i have not let my homework pile up. i have also spent ample time with friends. I'm finding that I'm closer to people than i think i am. I'm gaining confidence and willing to walk up to fellow music majors and i find that they greet me now. i had three different negative instances this week.

1.) a neighbor of mine just moved in and she is a music major and her roommate is an English major. the graduated early from high school and just started college this semester. neither of them knew the other prior to moving in and they just hit it off. the two are very personable and extremely out going. the went door to door meeting everyone on the floor. when i met them they were talking about going to parties. i said that they aren't hard to come by because they happen every night i said to crystal the music Major that she wouldn't have much time for parties...i don't think she believed me. the week went on. me, my girlfriend Hollie, and her roommate Shawn were going up the elevator. I'm on floor two and they are on eight. i pressed the 2 and the 8 and when they we rent looking i pressed 3,4,5,6,7. i got off the elevator with the thought that they would just laugh about it and we could all go to bed seeing as it was midnight and we all had school the next day. that's not what hap pend. they came to my floor, knocked on my door and ran...harmless right? i go to see who it is. i open my door and look down the hall and see Rebbecca the English major in her pajamas in her door way. crystal came right up next to her with a stink eye nothing really happens i just apologize and we all go to our rooms. no big deal right? the next day in piano class i see crystal and apologize again in hopes to maintain our friendship...wrong thing to do! she says I'm still really mad about it. i think these damn girls are still in high school mode. we aren't the only ones making noise in fact we are probably the quietest. you see that's just how college is, its noisy. people get loud and part of the struggle is maintaining your focus. they just don't get it.

2.)i get back my first theory homework...no bueno. i did terrible Ive always been awesome at theory but i get this paper back and there is so much red on it that i looks kind of like just scratched it till it bled because it was so bad.

3.)probably the worst of all. Hollie and Shawn are best friends. they met each other shortly before we moved in for the fall. Shawn joined alpha phi. Hollie wanted to last semester but didn't get a bid. 5 days before spring move in Shawn texts Hollie and asks if she would be mad about Shawn moving in the the sorority house. there is tension between everyone. then Hollie gets a bid. Hollie opens up,after some convincing, to the idea of moving into the house with community bath rooms and less space. Shawn a week ago asks Hollie if she would want to move in and room with her. Hollie of course says yes and that is the agreement. Hollie asks her again on the day that Shawn is going to move in just before they go to get the paper work. Shawn says, "yeah i guess, but if you want your own room that's okay too." the get to fill out the paper work in the office and the RA asks if they want to room together and Shawn says that she wants her own room. in retrospect i remember Shawn going off with some of the a phi girls into another room i now know what was go in on. she was talking about how Hollie wants to room with her behind her back to the other sisters. after Shawn tells the RA about wanting her own room Hollie just says never mind and walks out about to cry. this really pisses me off because she was asked the exact same question from both Hollie and the RA and they were different answers. why did she have to embarrass her in front of the other girls or talk about her behind her back. we want to leave but we road over with Shawn. we couldn't just walk away because hollies stuff was in Shawn's car. long story short i confronted Shawn about it and Hollie got upset. they are on better terms than they were but the still need to talk.


there were also alot of good things that happened this week.

1.) i ran into an old friend from high school at a recital and last night him, his sister, Hollie, and i all went to the steak house for dinner last night.

2.) I'm going back home soon to go see my high school's musical. after me and a bunch of old friends are going out to eat.

3.)and of course Ive hung out with choir peeps.

4.)best of all i got a 30-day trial of finale notepad which is a score writing software that i can write music with. its alot of fun and fairly easy to use.

well i better start getting ready to leave i gotta pack church cloths.

Sunday Mornings

I currently work at a church as a scholarship singer and i go ever Wednesday evening for practice and every Sunday morning for worship service. for some of you this sounds similar to your ritual but i haven't gone to church before my recent economic benefit and honestly without the benefit i probably wouldn't go. I know this sounds bad but its true. i make $36 a week there. By going there i improve my sight reading skills tremendously, make connections with people in that community, form friends with my fellow scholarship singers, and prove my trustworthiness and reliability to the choir director who also happens to be my college director and Ear Training teacher this semester.

i told one of my friends from mesquite about this job and he brought up a very valid point. He believes strongly that there is no god. me and him have talked and personally i am on the fences. I'm a very factual person and honestly i see no hard evidence in either direction. Does the fact that i go to church to make money make me take advantage of the church, or am i selling my beliefs?

over my high school career i grew to be very close with my voice teacher(who happens to be a pastors wife). her and i had had multiple conversations about where i stand on religion and how it troubles me. when i told her of the job she was so happy for me. she saw it as a way for me to absorb the word of god.

as a child i was born into The Church of Christ. i was forced to go at every opportunity and for this i resented church and my father for forcing me to go. my father became abusive and my mom took me and my sister away and we went to my grandparents house. I stayed completely away from religion for 1 or 2 years. when i became close to my voice teacher i would show up periodically to her baptist church. my father is the type of man that knows he is right and every one else is wrong when it comes to religion (the true christian type) so i could not tell him about my church shopping. Music is a big part of my life and after being exposed to a church with more music than just congregation hymns, with the old people droning off pitch to the tunes they always sing, i began to see that it really dosen't matter how or where you see god.

I will more than likely be working in a church for the rest of my life simply because of the money that can be made and the benefits that i gain.

so i ask you, is this wrong?

scared stiff

out in the parking lot about to go to church and all of the power in commerce goes out in the storm. i hear an explosion its the generator starting...I'm not going anywhere

Day 2

I'm not planning on keeping this everyday, i just happened to have a free moment 2 days in a row.
i have a feel for how my classes will be this semester now that i have gone to them all and i must say, i fairly relieved. i thought that because i sign up for a science credit of astronomy, that has a lab, i thought i would hate Wednesday but its really not that bad and actually kind of refreshing to have something on my schedule that i got to choose for myself.
I feel a lot better than yesterday. i haven't solved my problems but i feel a little more comfortable. during my break today i worked on English and the big thing at commerce is the study of literacy and its place in different societies and how this effects the members of said society. it is called ethnography. But...that was the only focus last semester too and quite frankly...i really don't care that much. and here's the funny part i have to keep a blog on a different site for the class. so...i am going to try to not let this one suffer.
this could give you an idea of how music is here at commerce. in my music theory 2 class this morning at 8 (its a class devoted to the construction and analysis of tonal music)the head of the music department (Dr. white) came in and told the voice majors that they need to move to a different section of music theory 2 with a different teacher because this class was too full. the class would be at what he thought was 2 and that is when i had astronomy. I raised my hand saying i was a vocal major but i had that class. his response was that music takes privilege over basic classes, that those were flexible and i could take astronomy another time or semester. but the truth is that most basics are full this late and that class is the only reason i am able to keep my scholarship and if i dropped it and could pick up anything else with that many hours then i wouldn't be able to pay for school. but i kept my mouth shut and I'm sure i could find something.
he came back a few minutes later and said that it was actually at 1...whew. but i have chamber choir (select group of singers, I'm one of 2 freshman and there are only 16 spots) i could quite chamber but id burn that bridge and the other thing is i really like being in chamber. so i decided that this would be a good time to go talk to Dr. white. I was a little scared because he is kind of intimidating to me (not so much to others though...gimmie a break, I'm shy.)
i sat in his secretary's office for like 30mins and i was running out of time to eat and if i didn't get conformation that i didn't need to change i was going to just go to the 1 o'clock class in case i wouldn't let me. i decided to go eat and then come back and talk to him later. i ate with a few fellow choir people that i only hang with during the day and came back.
coming back i realize that...i really had to pee (trust me there is a point) so i went to the bathroom at the music building right as i went to wash my hands guess who walks in...Dr. White. he walks up to the sink next to me to wash his hands before he went pee (haha, idk why but that's kinna funny to say so casually) and he says to me, "thank you for considering the change to your schedule, it really helps me out." (Damn)
"Oh, well i kind of needed to talk to you about that. you see i have chamber ending at 1:30 so i won't be able to sign up for that class"
"Oh yeah, well yes you need to stay in that class then. the reason why i directed the vocalists to change was because i figured that you all would jump at the chance to not have an 8 o'clock class"
"Yeah, the reason i wanted to talk to you about this is because i didn't want it to see like i was just blowing off what you said", I walked out and said thank you....the bathroom really is a mans office haha
well that's not all of my day today, at 6 i have to go to church because i am a scholarship singer and i will be there until 9:30 and its out in Greenville which is a 30 minute drive so i wont be back till 10ish...and that is how my Wednesday ends.

Right now i am trying to convince my verging on broke girlfriend that we need to eat at the caf (cafeteria) tonight even though the menu doesn't sound very appetizing, but we already paid for it, so it sounds really good to me...did i mention i was frugal?

first day back

My grandfather is a very wise man.. he is always in a good mood, if not a great mood, and it is for this that i truely admire him. he has always told me that in the morning when you wake up you get a choice you can have a good day or you can have a bad day. over my few year i have really found this to be true.
its weird when you find out that you don't fit anywhere. everyone jumps in like they never really stopped. i don't have anyone that i feel close enough with to call or hangout with but it feels like everyone else does. and now its so late in the game that if i went ahead and tried to just call someone they would probably find it odd that i called them because they weren't in my circle.
Here is one more thing that i learned from my grandfather. there is big stuff and there is little stuff. if you make the little stuff feel big then the big stuff will be huge and when huge stuff comes around forget about it. so now is my lack of placement big stuff or little stuff?